Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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