Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
