im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
