He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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