ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
