I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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