respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
