I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
