call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
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