I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
