U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
