i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
