Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
