I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
