Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
