Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm bleeding and have questions
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
