i permit you to call me
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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