i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
