He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
