Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
