In America we eat man semen.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
That accounts for only three of the penises
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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