Fine. I'll sleep in my office
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
