can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
