Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Dignity is for republicans.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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