Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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