he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
