I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
