Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
