all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
