a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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