Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
