I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
