So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
