go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You need Xanax blowdarts
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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