My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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