Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
