hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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