FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
