my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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