i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
