Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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