my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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