found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Randomize
