If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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