I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
