My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
