Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You are a genius and a whore.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
