I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
