i just had sex bonerless
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
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