i permit you to call me
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
