What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
