Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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