I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize