You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
