I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
