i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Boobs speak an international language.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
This toilet bowl is my home.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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