Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
