Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Every concussion has its silver lining
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
