He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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