thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
