I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
