uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
