I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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