hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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