My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
