Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize