To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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