did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
