I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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