In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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