I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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