The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize