so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
