Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
