During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
