I have demons in me.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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