my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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