I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He did a backflip because drugs
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