Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
