haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
