you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
