so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
